Honoring Ancestors & Missing Elders – Telling Their Stories
Honoring Ancestors is a important practice within heathenry and across many other pagan paths. In heathenry the ancestors are often called into rituals and sacred spaces to bless the living.
Ancestors Beyond Blood
Ancestors can be much more than a genetic link to the past. They are those who paved the path for the lives we have available to us today. Yes this includes our biological heritage but it can be viewed in a much broader sense. When I seek guidance from the ancestors I look beyond those tied to me by blood and search for those connected to me by path and inclination. For me this can be looking to woman across the ages who shared some of my values. Similarly I look to queer ancestors for support and guidance.
I say I look to queer ancestors rather than elders because we have lost so many of them. Pagan paths always had room for queer folks and they could find spiritual home among witches and heathens. Starting in the 80’s HIV spread like fire through queer communities. The medical neglect of the AIDS epidemic took the lives of so many man and women. The tragedy stole away people that we would now look to as queer elders. They are not all gone we still have many amazing queer elders guiding our community but like was the are so many missing that should have been there and so many stories unshared.
Tell Their stories
Recently I was working on writing a funeral service as part of my Clergy training program. As I worked on crafting the memorial as song played in my head over and over. The final song in the musical Hamilton, after the title character has been fatally the other characters talk about telling his story and the legacy he left. Two sections truly struck me.
Let me tell you what I wish I’d known
when I was young and dreamed of glory
General Washington sings
Lifelong rival Aaron Burr sings
Our lives may be long or they may be brief, what we leave as a legacy for those who come after is our story and the impact we have made.
A week ago I shared the Glitter Sparkle chant I learned from a new friend made at a heathen festival. I loved the melody and the message, I wrote the post and sent it to my new friend thanking her for sharing it with me. I had written a blurb about the story she had shared with me, but I didn’t know the impact it would have on her or on me. So I want to share more of the the story.
Ed & Garry
Fifteen years ago today, on August 26th 2007, Ed Berry passed away. He was mourned by family, friends, community and his husband Garry. They were both pagan and were part of Spiral Clan were the glittering ritual and chant originated. Marriage equality was years away so they never had the chance to have their relationship recognized by the state. With the legal support for their relationship years away there was nothing protecting their 15 year relationship.
Less than a year later on August 19th 2008, Garry died from PML a debilitating and demyelinating disease of the central nervous system that occurs under the severely compromised immune systems of AIDS. He joined Ed on the other side of the veil but because of stigma surrounding their illness their families refused to bury Ed’s ashes with Garry.
Laci, Garry’s little sister explained “Unfortunately back then, there were fewer gay rights and less tolerance, especially surrounding AIDS… [it] were very secretive about it because of the stigma.“
“After Garry’s memorial service, I went to the cemetery where they were burying his ashes and blew green glitter (his favorite color) over the ground and his headstone. It just felt like the right thing to do”
The Light Lives on
I am an occasional attendant of the local Unitarian Universalist Church, they have a tiny rite they add into the sunday service when a member, family, friend or ally of the community has passed away. A candle representing the deceased was extinguished as a symbol for the life lost and the community being diminished by one. After a moment a new small candle was lit to represent their lasting impact and that their light would shine on in our memories.
There are many ways to carry on the memories of those who have passed. To honor those we knew personally and those whose impacts have reached us like ripples from a distance. Speaking their names, telling their stories, and living out our lives fully is a great place to start.
