Perfect isn’t the Point – Joy & Frith in Messy Last-minute Hospitality

Hospitality is a practice and a value I hold dear. I love having company. Making others feel welcome and wanted fills my heart. Whether it’s sharing a cup of tea/coffee or hosting a game night I love to offer hospitality. It feels good to build frith, and make my home a place where the community feels welcomed and know they are wanted. The problems I often run into are managing my mental health to be able to offer hospitality and keeping my small apartment clean and somewhat tidy.

Hospitality isn’t about having a big house, chic decor, or even spotless floors. Hospitality is about loving others and making time and a space to feel welcomed in. Keeping that in mind makes it easier for me to let people into my home and my life even when it isn’t perfect. When I plan an event I clean and tidy to make everything as nice as possible (well at least what people will see, my craft room is firmly behind closed doors.) However, I don’t always have the opportunity to plan.

Last-minute hospitality. 

Offering hospitality isn’t always a scheduled event, sometimes a family member is passing through and calls to stop by. A friend is having a bad day or last-minute change of plans that mean staying in rather than heading out. When this happens I have three keys to helping me be able to enjoy hosting.

Tidying, Refreshments, and Hospitality mindset

Tidying

I grow up with the adage that ‘cleanliness is next to godliness”, my mom was, and still is, an incredible homemaker and excellent housekeeper. I however am not, so when last-minute guests are on their way I need to clean and in a hurry. For these surprise guests, out-of-sight-out-of-mind is a completely acceptable mindset. Focus on areas your guests will see, where you’ll spend time, the entryway, and the bathroom. Grab a box or laundry basket and pile in all the miscellaneous clutter then stash it in a bedroom or unused closet. Freshen the bathroom, turn on the fan clear & wipe down the counters and mirror.  Start chores that are automated 

Load and run the dishwasher. Toss dirty clothes in the washer.  Let your appliances do the work and make the most of the time while you are entertaining guests. (This helps me feel accomplished when my guests leave).

I hope to have a more detailed checklist soon.

Refreshments

Now, this is optional but it’s probably my favorite part of hosting.

Hospitality makes me think of sharing food. It’s very 1950’s of me, but I feel like a good homemaker when I’m able to pull out fresh homemade refreshments for guests. This can be cheese and crackers with a handful of grapes on a plate or whatever I can find in the fridge & pantry. I usually fill my electric kettle and get it warming for coffee or tea. Sometimes I have something stashed in my freezer, such as slice and bake cookies. When I’m lucky enough to be this prepared I like to turn on the oven to preheat as I start cleaning I’ll pause to slice a few cookies onto a parchment-lined cookie sheet & into the oven they go. 

POOF

my house smells awesome and I have lovely refreshments that pair nicely with coffee or tea

and if my guests don’t want any my husband will be thrilled to eat them.

Hospitality Mindset

A mindset of Frith and a welcoming environment.

Making your space clean or at least presentable is important to make your home welcoming. Even more important than the space being nice is being in a good mental & emotional place to host. I keep a kitchen altar, so when preparing for guests I like to light a candle there. It reminds me that my hospitality is not only about my commitment to my friends and family but about my values and my religious goal to build frith. This can help pull me away from a list of tasks that seem more important or my regular struggles with my mental health. Focusing on frith helps me to enjoy nurturing relationships that often help heal my heart and soul. 

To help me feel like being a gracious host, smell plays a big role. Having something delicious baking, or choosing scented candles to light on my altars helps set the right mood. Turn on music to help keep you upbeat while you tidy. 

If you are really in a rough place try doing a quick cleansing of yourself or your space to clear away negativity.

*Now when cleansing is brought up many people turn to sageing or smudging. While widely used in the pagan community is derived from Indigenous traditions and often uses sacred and rare plants such as white sage or palo santo. As someone without native heritage or ties I simply don’t, here are some alternative ways to cleanse your space.

Personally, if I feel the need to clear away negativity I prefer to use sound, putting on some music to elevate my mood, or singing a chant works well for me and I don’t risk bothering my friends who have allergies by using incense.  

Enjoy

When your guests arrive enjoy them.

Don’t worry about what isn’t perfect. Perfect isn’t the point of hospitality, community is. So set aside your to-do list, take a deep breath or two and be present. You’ve made space in your home and time in your schedule, let yourself enjoy. Hospitality goes both ways and it is for your good too.